Success in life can mean a lot of things. Different people have different definitions of success. For some, success means wealth, while others measure it according to how much knowledge and experience they have on a certain subject.

There are people who measure success according to how popular they are, while there are others who lead quiet lives, measuring their success based on the quality of their relationships—not the quantity.

But what will truly define a man’s life after he is gone?

The greatest use of a life is to spend it on something that will outlast it [William James]

I had an arranged marriage just like everyone else in my family. Now my husband had an uncle who belonged to an influential clan. This uncle followed in his father’s footsteps and took their family business to great heights. Everyone knew and respected him. No one dared to go on his wrong side. Such was this man’s power.

I never met him before my wedding. During our gala wedding, there were so many people running around. He was to arrive late and I was very eager and nervous to meet someone so powerful.

My wedding day wasn’t as glamorous as you would imagine. I had to wear a heavy dress and lots of jewelry. So many people were fussing over me, adjusting my dress and fixing my hair. I had to meet tons of people, most of them unknown friends of my parents and in-laws. Keeping a constant smile on my face quickly became exhausting. There were so many new faces!

After some time, I lost count of all the people who came my way. I just started to greet them absent-mindedly.

In the middle of all this activity, there was a point when I suddenly found myself alone. I relaxed and enjoyed this little piece of heaven. It was at this moment when a person came up to me out of nowhere. He was dressed like a middle-class man, wearing just a shirt and a dhoti. Dhotis are generally worn outside by workers unless it’s made of silk. This man was clad in a cotton dhoti and a regular shirt. He came up to me and congratulated me. I said thanks and tried to look the other way. But there was something in his face that I couldn’t turn away from. There was a certain kind of calmness, a kind of peacefulness in his eyes. The way he smiled—his face was so relaxed, so truthful. We had a small conversation. But soon, people and their chatter surrounded me again and I saw him slowly slip away from the crowd. I saw that man often throughout the day. He seemed to be always doing something. He seemed to be always helping someone. We went to lunch and I saw him serving food. We came back and I saw him helping others with the decorations for the evening. Evening came and he visited my room with coffee and snacks. I was hoping to get a minute with him, to thank him for all the work he was doing. There was a small crowd inside my room at that time and I suddenly heard my father call someone’s name. He had called the name of my husband’s uncle—the person I wanted to meet. I realized my husband’s uncle was in my room! I tried to fix my dress and my hair. At the same time, my eyes searched for the person going towards my father. I froze. There was only one person talking to my father. It was the same man who was wearing the cotton dhoti. It was impossible.

He was supposed to have power and influence. Why doesn’t he look like a wealthy man? He was supposed to have a small family fortune. Did he lose everything and no one told me?

I stared at him. I searched for something in him that would show all that I had heard about him. All I found was the same peaceful eyes. No tension, no worries, no hurry. He walked back, took the empty cup of coffee from my hands and went off. He continued to help others with their tasks until the end of the wedding. After that, we went our separate ways. I went to my new home and he went back to his town.

We later went on a trip to his town and stayed at his house. That was when I got to know him. He seemed to have endless time and patience for everyone. We talked for hours. Anywhere we went, everyone seemed to know him. They all talked to him very courteously and rushed away. Often, people came to his house and they went to his study. I yearned to know what business he had with so many poor-looking people. I enjoyed the calm surrounding him. I would give anything now to have stayed longer during that trip of mine.

When the vacation was over, I returned to my busy life. Then the call came. He was dead. Just like that.

We rushed to his town.

It was an accident. He was just 45.

The whole town remembered him. On the day his body was taken to the burial ground, all roads leading to his house were jammed. There were people standing on the streets to pay their last respects.

I happened to talk to one lady. She was a laborer and a single mother. She had come with her young son. Any money she made during the day would suffice them with their daily food. Come a rainy day (bad weather didn’t allow her to work) and they would have to go to bed with an empty stomach. But she said she would rather miss work for one day and go to bed on an empty stomach with her son rather than miss the chance to pay respects to my uncle. I cried. Every person on the street was telling tales of how my husband’s uncle had helped them.

There was too much noise around. It felt like we were in a stadium waiting for a grand event. But when my uncle’s body was brought out of the house, the hush, the pin-drop silence made me recoil. The streets full of hundreds of people just to catch a final glimpse of him defined him. The silence defined in a thousand words what a kind of man he was.

Now I know what business he had with all those people. Now I know why people treated him the way they treated him. Now I know the secret of his peaceful eyes.

He wasn’t defined by all the wealth he was born into. He lived his own life and defined success on his own terms.

Instead of using his wealth for his own pleasure, he used it to change lives. His timely help to the poverty-ridden and grief-stricken has helped many people stand on their own two feet. Is there a better accomplishment in life than that?

My husband’s uncle changed my definition of success. He made me realize that the things I do for others is the best memento to mark my existence on this planet. It is the best remembrance I can leave when I am gone.

Further Reading
1. Wikipedia Article on Arranged Marriages in India
2. An Article on Hindu Weddings from the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation)
3. Wikipedia Article on the Dhoti